At the time of this writing there is a brouhaha that has arisen in the news industry about child discipline. The high interest has grown out of a rather firm feeling that American youths have not been adequately disciplined in their families, as detected in evidences lumped together in the password, lifestyle. This includes nearly everything related to conduct and attitude – shallow education, slovenly manners, carnal culture, debilitating early habits, rising obesity affecting health and achievement, and the like. The massive problem is a serious threat to balanced life – so to weaken it. This does not deny that youths in majority are doing well in forming their lives, and parents doing their loving duty. Failure rates remain too high.
The debate has gained renewed attention in the publication of a book written by an Asian-American, who is identified as the tiger mother who has regimented her children tightly in the name of parental discipline. As is so often the context, the problem is partly lost emotionally in the excesses that apply in contradictions – too little/too much. I would not want to be nurtured and mentored with a mother as regimented as tiger mother has mandated. At this writing she seems to have backed off (wisely, I believe), but still holding to the direction of her expectations with her children (wisely, I believe). The two hours of daily music practice have been reduced to an hour or less. Other demands have been moderated proportionately, but she has not surrendered the basic disciplinary technique tied to the life production of her children. She has been able to carry the love she has for her children to the children whose revolt at the regimentation has not affected their relationship with their mother. The mother asked too much at the beginning, but could that have been as threatening to balanced life as the neglect so many children are presumed to be enjoying?
At the same time, an American/Russian community, identified in the news as Christian has been brought to court for the physical abuse of their children using wires, blunt instruments, and the like for child discipline. It is unfortunate that they are implied to have learned to abuse their children as a Christian methodology. Christianity teaches no such thing. Parents are warned by the Apostle Paul that they should not cause bitterness in their children. Physical abuse causes bitterness, and forms some children into abusers.
How should the younger generation be reared? First, they must have love, and love, to be effective, must be told and demonstrated in a way that is meaningful to the child. There must be wisdom in what become the procedures and guidelines for the family. There are duties for all members for the good of the group, and they must be carried through. There must be reasoning for decision making. There must be time for something more than the duty of the child to the good of the order. That time blessing makes discipline possible. There must be education, showing how to develop in maturity, with the clarity of what is done in the minimum and what is done well. There must be liberal use of questions and waiting for answers, rather than fierce judgments and loud voices. The future needs projection. What does one (the child) want for adult life? Is this child to be groomed for this direction or that one? At first the answers to the questions are the same: I dun’ know. Gradually, the portrait fills in. like that of the work of the artist, a stroke at a time until the whole portrait is complete, and gives satisfaction that also becomes pleasure. The discipline is muted in love and achievement. The tendency is to forget effective discipline, and remember poor discipline. A man said to me when I asked about his father: He didn’t even love me enough to spank [discipline] me. Children generally expect discipline, and are bettered by it. If proper approach is made and the child resists, is obstreperous or demonstrates negative behaviors, the parents seek assistance in meeting the issues. The problem may be physical, solved in medication, changed in diet, or even in the scheduling of life events. The wise person does not oversimplify or make more difficult the every-day matters of life. It is always a balancing perception to remember that all persons have similarities, but persons are not the same. Respect for the best in each person requires patience to find what works best in the relationships of acceptable life context – and find that context. It usually begins by asking what the other person would like to believe and accomplish for the good of the order. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020