One of the important concerns in life is to become oriented in mind and conduct to problem solving. In all the relationships of my life, including counseling sessions with troubled persons this orientation has served me very well indeed. Learning it early on is one of the greatest gifts one can give to self and others. In this context of problem solving, rather than problem reacting, there appears, even in attitude, a significant shift toward constructive conduct and contentment, perhaps to resolution of issues related to our eternal welfare. Major to the physical appearance of Jesus in nature’s society was that he would be a problem solver. We have this attitude in Jesus that is to be characterized in us. Note that it can enter our character. Jesus met the problem of evil in mankind, and solved it with a redemptive plan. Although they have tried, no other persons have done that for us effectively. One of the marks of a Christian is that he or she becomes, in the nature of the person, a problem solver – or ought to be. (Genesis 20:1-18) For the Christian who fails in living out the new creature related to truthful solutions, even prayer becomes a reduced force.
The Christian problem solver holds tools that may be foreign to secular counselors and problem solvers. For example, the solution of a problem may be forgiveness only. There may be no way in which the matter at hand may be repaired, except by forgiveness. Even though secular counselors have learned more, in recent decades, about forgiveness as a solution, it originated with counselors of spiritual bent, and it finds full effectiveness when attached to the forgiveness characteristic of God in his plans with mankind. Comfort is not only found in gaining forgiveness for some matter I regret, from those negatively affected by my actions, but the forgiveness of God provides a context of healing that makes all persons involved to be better. This may be paradoxical for meaning in that I may become a better person out of failure. Failure often leads to success. But, this last is a theme for another Page, paradoxical in its denouement. For us the great examples may be those of persons like the Apostles Paul, Peter, Augustine – and a host of others. Some ring true at last, partly because they rang false at first – paradox. Forgiving is winning.
The family (mother, father, child), which comprises my favorite context for human relationships, is an excellent source for illustrating the point of accent in today’s context, and may best serve our search for clarity. Much of my life has been given to assisting persons in families to uncover their love, to find solutions to aggravations, to avoid break-up and divorce, to resist bickering and abuse, – and so the points might be listed out. The wife is ready to leave the marriage. She feels her husband is not ambitious, perhaps lazy, does not manage money well, may evade meeting some of her cherished needs, and so the story may be extended. She wants out. God would prefer to assist her in accepting her husband find ways to solve the problems without ill will, without denying him in his needs (real or alleged), or deploring any act in stumbling directions no matter how shallow. Her negatives meet his negatives, even if they appear to be less fearful in the course of daily life. They serve as domestic fault against social fault – both faults debilitating to relationships, perhaps to the legal marriage, even to the grief of a family of children and other relatives. The family is wounded. For some it will become personal warfare, even death. Many will live out an unresolved, broken relationship. (2 Samuel 6:20-23) They have missed spiritual maturity.
There is humility of grace that can be invoked, with an attitude that in the conflict there is expressed patience, care, perhaps openness with counsel to each other, and practical application of God’s solutions in joy and love. Humility is an attitude that permits conviction without arrogance, that gives to others the feeling they may have something to offer. That something may be a problem, and may relate to their attitudes and conduct. Humility helps in focusing on the problem rather than the person. The problem is the enemy, not the person in my relationship. This context leads to objectivity with promise for affirmative results. Commonly that is lost in ill feelings, irritations, nagging, coldness and declining relationships. The stronger person in the context of the problem may become a part of the problem exacerbating whatever is wrong – love, maturity, humility and problem solving wins. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020