My mother was born on this date in 1897, and died 96 years later. I have recited some of the sketch of her life on this date for previous Pages. Any person who knows me well knows about the deep thanksgiving I hold in constancy for my mother. The memory of her is sacred to me. This Page is especially for the attention of those who have, or expect to have developing children. Nothing said here is meant to in any way disparage my Mother. She was full of love, affirmatives for life, and committed to the care of others, especially her family. She certainly did what she felt was right, and believed she knew from experience.
God is the only wholly effective disciplinarian I ever had. I remember one glimpse of my father, but I doubt he would have made any affirmative difference in my developing life – had he lived. My mother tried to do it all with three little children. She was parented rather poorly in that her parents thought of her in the terms of the times where in a hard-scrabble area the only virtues were a pattern of godliness gained from a church (with a left-over attitude in the south from the Civil War); and, a commitment to work hard, especially in the cotton fields. Cotton and pecans were her parents’ only cash crops from a poor soil that needed to be refurnished. The farm was small, but everything was done by hand, or with mules. The work seemed unending and the rewards poor, or minimal.
Her father was stern. She and the siblings following were often at the snapping end of a leather piece or switch – whichever was most handy. They were guided to live life on a farm, in the sticks, although there were sometimes glimmers of vision for her in the attitudes of her father. It was, to a large extent carried over to her children, although we were part of bustling city, in an environment almost like another planet than she knew as a child. She wielded the same weapons as those of her father and the grim silences of her mother. It didn’t work in changing society. I never had a father/son conversation with my step-father. My mother gave me the little talk about sex. It took a half hour or so. I remember that I was prepared to fill in the blanks that she left out so as to assist her in understanding the facts of life from a twelve year old lad who had already been highly informed by older friends who, by their own admission, knew all about that stuff. By the second or third years of high school we were away from her ideals, and beginning habits that would surely have disappointed her. My sisters had a difficult time getting things worked out, and suffered through multiple marriages, with poor environment for their children. My only rescue came in committing my life to Jesus Christ and a journey since my seventeenth birthday that included discipline for life.
What makes a good parent in the matter of discipline, a factor vital to maturation? More than half of the context is guided by modeling and communication. No wonder that Christ accented the idea of following him. The Apostles continued the litany. There is something about living a consistent and faithful life, with empathy for the experiences of others that an unseen influence emanates for good. I was humbled by a student in the college I served who came in to my office to tell me of a small escapade he had that he knew would disappoint me. I knew his family well, and had stayed in his parental home. He said, I wanted to be the one who told you about this before you heard it from anyone else. I am sorry, and want to be well thought of by you. I do not like doing something you would not approve. I feel that way about my parents. I have been told that several times in my life, including a statement from one of my children.
The second influence here is meaningful conversation. It deserves much more than a paragraph, and may be the most important of all discipline factors. A child ought to be confronted with the great questions of life, with commanding illustrations – and be faced with life questions. In working with my own children and students, I have discovered amazing response to non-judgmental questions that changed lives. I asked one student, a sharp minded girl: When you marry and have children would you want them to do what you did? It made an interesting story that changed her. (I may address this on another Page.) The most effective parents ask objective questions and seek answers forming young lives. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020