An excellent article appeared in The Atlantic magazine related to the theme of self-esteem. Though excellent, the title, as for so many articles, wounds the meaning of great concepts as in this instance on self-esteem. The cover title is How the Cult of Self-esteem Is Ruining Our Kids, authored by Lori Gottlieb. I too have been detoured by editorial choices for titles of books and articles I have written, so I do not lay my blame at the author’s paper or computer. The title in location of the article may be ascribed to its author, and it is different and improved over the cover title: How To Land Your Kid in Therapy. This title does not refer to self-esteem, preferring happiness, even though the author certainly touches on the subject, and may have tenets in the back of her mind that motivates me here. Self-esteem is an important ingredient in happiness. Gottlieb appears to be a competent therapist and has carefully reviewed her subject. Having worked in academia and church service for many decades, I have found what she has found. I believe that there is an important side-bar that ought to relate to this article and many others of this quality.
The article here addresses approaches of parents that have caused considerable and prevailing unhappiness in their children as adults, even as late as their college years and beyond, lasting for a lifetime. There is adequate explanation here about what is happening in these families that cause the children emerging into adult life, even intensifying for a time during one’s most productive years, that rob persons of their happiness, sense of worth, and even meaning for pressing on. This is not achieved for lack of love, or lack of effort, or lack of support, but simply bad perceptions and practices about what it takes to rear children to adult life, about reality in self, and about the world they live in. The article ends with some excellent suggestions, especially in the formation of the best parental questions. These are questions so well formed that almost any answer is a good one for the child to begin taking responsibility, and sense some authority within the self-person. There is no doubt that questions may be the most important educational tool of parents – or anyone else. It takes time to form the question, to gain an answer, and see to it that meaningful action follows. Later there may be evaluation. The pattern appears in the modus operandi of Jesus.
My greatest concern here is that even behind the questions there must be a pattern of principles that ought to guide every person in any piece. What is self-esteem? (e.g. What is love? What is good language?) Self-esteem, in broad strokes is measured by the level of proficiency one develops in performing tasks; in loving and being loved; in holding some sense of power in the family and relationships; and, in keeping with one’s values or moral standards. The loss of this last in many homes may be the first reduction, and dilution of family life may be the next. The underpinnings of self-esteem may have been weakened, or nonexistent in many families, meaning that children will flounder. Although they know they are better than dumb animals, they feel they have been dumbed. They don’t really know. This serves up unhappiness.
There is something of a vacuum in the article that, as good as it is, may tempt persons to downgrade self-esteem, make fun of it as another ivory tower idea that may be passed over. Go back to yelling at the kids; force them into adult patterns and habits; hit them now and then; don’t work things out; and, make fun of Watson or Spock. Although neither of these theorists hit the center, they were trying to find the best pattern to make responsible and happy children and adults. Even though it takes time, includes some trial and error, considerable love and mutual problem solving, we can nurture happy children. In the New Testament, the physician Luke wrote in his Gospel (2:52) that: Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man. A child should be nurtured so as to develop a healthy regimen for the body (stature); follow a course of education and experience for problem solving (wisdom); find a spiritual course that provides values for ethical living (God); and, become involved in society so as to give as well as receive (mankind). There is abundant testimony from persons that they felt both joy and worth in efforts to assist others in a world offering enough contexts for doing good. Parents ought to give to their children a beautiful wall decoration, a rendition of Luke 2:52. What about its meaning? *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020