One of the most important bits of life information that parents ought to impart to their children is to give some attention to what those children want to be and do when they have completed the responsibilities of their professional and family lives. Too many persons are bereft after their wage/salary days are closed. Not only do they miss the paychecks, but the job, the exchange with colleagues, and the feeling they are contributing in some way to the advancement of society, perhaps their communities. For many persons growing old is something like moving to another country with a different culture than they have known. Their own society sends a mixed message to them in both gracious and demeaning ways. It is well to see the gracious, and pass over the negatives. I am surprised when society finds fault with the elder generations in taking offense at the cost of sustaining them, especially relating to retirement. If the payments to programs during employment years were invested from the beginning, the payouts on retirement might be less (or more) than the income to them. Further, the infrastructure left by the passing generations offers to the younger ones a magnificent base for building an even more bountiful and efficient nation. (For example: my generation built the interstate highway system. It now belongs as gift to the future.) The elders need to remember that every generation is criticized for this or that, and in planning objectives may become irritations robbing persons of time and attitude for problem-solving experience.
There are numerous myths about aging, some held by the elders. There is a belief that the individual’s DNA has determined much of life, so we must roll with whatever that brings. DNA generally indicates tendencies and factors to be monitored so to live in a context that emphasizes the benefits, and takes precautions in the warnings. Our lives are not cast in our DNA, even when many factors in our lives are indicated there. There is a belief held by many that work may be hard, but retirement may be harder. True, if it is not planned. Planning is not overly difficult. It is not tied only with sufficient financial resources, but to life as the major factor that includes death. There is a sense of presence for elders, unless Alzheimer’s disease takes over. The idea that we age alone is simply not true if we remain active. Many elders retreat, filling their lives in their private way. I filled my younger years with world interests, and interchanges with a large number of persons and groups. My days now are largely spent alone, even with my children and their mates holding loving interest in what my life means to them, and they to me. If all has gone well with a family in the forming years, there will be adequate benediction in closing. The most important factor in the elders is to have a self-fulfilling relationship with others, especially with members of the family. Failing that, or in addition, there continues relationships with those who choose to relate. I am surprised and warmed to hear from students of many decades ago, about the influence of my life for them.
Every generation should be respected for its place in life course. Scripture relates it to perfecting life, which means maturity. It is for human and spiritual, a maturing process in which the individual works toward a gratifying context that is acceptant but problem-solving. In Christianity it is summed up in righteousness that relates to right with persons and God. It is perceived in family relationships where persons are less likely to fake attitudes, beliefs and actions for general effect. The family is the idiom of Scripture, by which we can evaluate ourselves and situations with who we are and what we are becoming. Out-of-sorts young persons may rebel against loving parents, but accept the foibles of their boss on the job. Maturity is more concerned about the relationship with the parent than the relationship with an authority figure. This does not diminish our respect for relationships with authority figures, but we learn in the intimacy of our lives, and carry that into public experience – so to treat others as we want to be treated. As we did not have much authority in childhood except in cuteness and dependence upon the grown-ups love, so we lose the influence and power we felt in our professional years, and some to be cute again. By planning our closing decades we find a new freedom, tolerate graciously society’s changes, find activities serving slowing lives, and focusing on God’s gift of life relying on his care to see us through. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020