Preparation

My elder son and I were discussing marriage experience in its successes and failures, and what may be done to accent success and reduce failure.  One point discussed was related to pre-marital counseling. There is a secret in pre-marriage counseling that few persons appear to contemplate, but it becomes important in the influence for good in marriages: That promises made in advance of this event (or any other human event) have greater weight than those made during or after the event.  He immediately responded, in the light of understanding and approving the statement by saying: Dad, you ought to include that in one of your Pages. To comfort him (a minor motivation), and to find another insight into the advance of maturation in human conduct (a major motivation) we review the concept of vow integrity in the few lines of this Page.  Some of the major concepts appear in common wedding vows – such as love, honor and obey.  Obey really belongs but is commonly dropped as gender prejudice (which it was not meant to be).  The vows are taken by both bride and groom.  The promises are mutual in the unity of marriage.  Obey may be interpreted as too restrictive of individual rights of persons, and dropped from the traditional vows.  If in doubt about any vow, and before the contract is signatory, the word or words that cause concern for should be omitted.  That is a proper rule for any contracts made by persons of integrity.  If I deliberately fail any affirmative vow, God holds me responsible to seek fulfillment or forgiveness to keep integrity.

Integrity is implied that this most important of all contracts one might make, will be kept – having been made by mature persons to themselves, emerging family persons and society at large.  A broken marriage may indicate immaturity, a childish context in which the word of the person or persons has been treated in a different context than that of the meaning of the birth of a marriage.  Were the persons spoiled, or poorly nurtured and counseled?  Many other negative factors are possible.  Taken with other diluted features the marriage is not understood in the meaning that it once enjoyed and proved beneficial to individuals and society.  With current heterosexual marriages hovering at about 50% endurance to the death of one of the mates, it is clear that marriage has been diluted from what it was meant to be, both in the mind of society and the minds of those who marry.  (What is now legal same sex marriage, or even living together casually in other contexts, is not addressed here in that intimate sex life cannot have the same meaning without traditional marriage that offers the protection of implied future generations within it.) 

The model of deep friendship, like that of David and Jonathan, is diluted in same sex marriage.  Genuine friendship is to same-sex marriage somewhat diminished in meaning and practice.  Confusion of meaning for gender relationships is compromised.  Perhaps the biological principles of nature to which I am committed here may also apply for other imposed human situations created by traditional disturbance.  We look for better understanding of nature and morality.  Human preference is not cause enough to violate either nature or God.  Human desire takes many courses, some of which are identified as negative (such as pedophilia), and we handle those matters with some uncertainty.  God is not uncertain about anything. In counseling individuals and couples it is important to get yes and no to questions involving the major movements in any institution, and marriage is an institution, the first one created by God.  He uses it as a major analogy of his work with mankind – Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  There are various factors, but here we are concerned with knowledge of what may be expected of us, and the degree to which we are willing to subject ourselves to the requirements for our best life performance.  If we understand it in Christian life and yield, without turning back, we are assured of favor in outcome.  Turning back is backsliding, and faces serious penalty.  To advance to marriage and then divorce (backslide) imposes serious penalty for the family, breaking the parable of creation which is offensive to God, and usually to mankind.  How to avoid backsliding is an important understanding.  Oddly we have approved some deviations from norms as compelling for change while others are permitted to remain interpreted as violations of society.