Counselors

Human beings need each other.  Scripture identified the establishment of the family on Adam’s need for a life partner – intimately-present.  That need could not be less than equal for life functioning, or the problems would have been insurmountable relating to differences between the two with the better equipped giving service to each other.  Further, there had to be enough difference so that in private and social meaning they complemented each other.  Differences do not determine equality status.  This was most obvious in the sexual formation of the two so to reproduce their kind (species) – persons needing one another to perpetuate life.  Matters went well when both persons agreed upon processes for life (solutions/activities) and purposes (values/ideals), and badly when they did not.  That pattern remains, beginning with the family which may or may not shun the original plan related to unity and service to each other in love and respect.  It is interesting that a current popular counseling guru of the public in America is Dr. Phil who has, at this writing, the most popular day-time program on television, and writes as well about human problems – even when some of the problems seem to be personal only.  They may have considerable attachment to interpersonal meaning.  In one article he wrote that he never met anyone accomplishing what they wanted from life without the assistance of others.  Such assistance takes many tracks.  It begins with our parents, and is enlarged with friends and teachers, perhaps with professionals. Mentored persons usually do best with their lives – lives affecting lives in serious and substantive ways.

We often seek counselors, amateur and/or professional.  Some design amateur status into careers and reputations as advice givers.  They often become popular.  Many of them are not known for having applied their own counsel to themselves.  Even Solomon made personal wrong-turns in his life and appears to have acknowledged them.  The litany of counselors who committed major violations in their own lives is admitted.  An article in The Atlantic for October, 2014, focused on some of the best known past and present – with stories of deviations from what we expect from our counselors – and that primarily in the witness of their own lives to the affirmative fulfillment of their counsel to others.  An excellect columnist among current newspaper gurus was divorced, found herself pregnant with twins by her later boyfriend, whom she then married, and has gone on to forge an insightful column in response to some of the letters she receives.  In earlier years there were more men offering advice, but the genre has been dominated by women in recent decades.  The current accent on finding solution by addressing the personal views and actions of the complaining writer has improved the public approach to advice-giving.

This leads us to our best counselors – ourselves.  Persons ought to be taught how to counsel themselves, even though the process may not be adopted by many.  Some will not be competent perhaps also will be recalcitrant so need help in attitude.  The process can be folded into the belief one can become the best contributor to the solution to self- problems encountered.  To self-counsel, when well done, means individuals are more willing to apply solution steps that emerge.  All this requires some study, honesty that leads to truth about ideas, emotions, objectives, and situations.  It is vital that the person begins with questions.  What is my part in the problem?  What did I do?  How am I interpreted by others?  What responsibility should I carry and resolve?  What is my attitude?  Am I able to forgive – others and myself?  What is my love quotient for self and others?  What changes need to be made?  What values do I bring to life in beliefs?  How limited am I for acceptance of others, and problems?  What do I need for self?  What objectives am I seeking?  What are the alternatives?  How objective and understanding am I?  The persons who learn how to solve personal (self) and social (other selves) problems; have values (drawn first from Scripture for Christians and then experience) and practicing them; possess humility; learn how to gain closure through forgiveness; and are learning persons gaining response from self and others.  The better counselors (including self) are non-judgmental, and draw out (excavate) solutions from those they counsel.  Solutions are within us. They find worth in truth not emotion.  Emotions do follow.