This is one of the many verses in the Bible that weaves the laws of God with human nature. Not only does the verse here give clear direction that we try to get along with each other, but it implies some of the paradoxes and contradictions of the human condition. The implication is that I will not get along well with everyone, but it also tells me to try to get on, to the best within me. Any conflict is not of my doing, or at the least, that I am genuine in my own effort and attitude to avoid or heal conflict. This is not to defend the pollyanish attitude that goes so far as to interpret bad conduct and intentions as good, but that the matter of judgment is left to God. Confrontation does not achieve much. This is not to deny that there may be a place for confrontation, but that it belongs to a context of usefulness, and done in the right spirit that focuses on the problem, not on the persons related to the problem – conflict with diplomacy. Kindness to all is in godliness.
My memory recalls the story of an old gentleman, a widower whose son went off to law school. The son wanted the best in the country for his purpose, and relied on his father to meet the costs. On this day, the father was sullen, answering in gruff tone, and generally leaving an ill feeling to everyone in the small bank lobby. One man reprimanded him for gruffness, and drew up to the wicket the father had just abandoned. A young man began to murmur to another in line about the event, and noted the kindness of the teller in the business exchange with the old fellow. The teller paused for a moment, and then said: That old man has worked hard all his life. He has a son who has gone to the University and relied on his father for all his expenses for more than four years. The man’s account is near to zero. The son has not really kept in touch with his dad except when he wanted something. Father is not invited to the graduation. He is seen as too rustic. He was doing the only thing that he knew to manage his disappointment, perhaps his grief. He is really a good man. I could not criticize his son to him. Dad would not have permitted it. I could not say anything more than I did, with good spirit, to help that old man, now poor, and feeling rejected, hurting only for the love of his son. He was sending his last registered check for the graduation.
We cannot know fully why people function on this or that occasion as they do. If it is wrong, we ought to work around it, and permit God to do what no person does well enough – judge rightly. Our duty is to invite people higher, to better attitudes, and to objectivity. We do not mean to put people in their place. That does not mean we agree to poor conduct. What if the younger man in the line had said, if anything, to the old fellow: I see that you may have confronted a problem. May I help in some way? The older man may have gruffly treated him as well, but a good word has been said that may cause the old gentleman to snap out of it. I have seen it happen so often that it is a rule for me to invite people higher, to refuse personal offense. It is a rule I never want to lose even though I am now an old fellow. Persons need not be appreciated for doing the right thing, but they ought to accept the counsel of God that affirmation of life may make a difference for good, even when affirmation is rebuffed. It also means they are not judgmental of others, even those who may need a bit of confrontation, especially as may occur between a parent and child. The issue is large for all family members, and often occurs in the workplace. Judging others tends to seal the negative attitudes they had before the judgment was issued. One seeks this orientation knowing that, for the arrogant or depressed, caring often leads to repair and recovery. I have been impressed with the balm that wise persons can provide to a context with one or many others. To see it is to be lifted, and to know the healing of empathy. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020