One of the ways some persons up their own stock, and lower the perceptions of others is to find fault, alleged or real, in better functioning persons – better may be real or alleged. We see this in the children of a family, where sibling rivalry introduces the process, later refined and extended for family members or others in some close relationship, or occupations, or social circumstances. A person must pay negatively and affirmatively for what they are, both for good and ill. Hard-working, humble, committed persons, even if loving, and of good will, are sometimes psychologically, even spiritually, pilloried by some family members and/or others for their conduct, values and motives. Peter reminds us that we ought to take it, even accept it, though it may hurt. (1 Peter 2:19-20) Responses we get-and-give go with the territory of life. If one gives too great attention to self-defenses and amateur opinions related to self, he or she will lose some of the force of the meaning of the model of their lives. We must remember the counsel of the Lord, that if we are rejected in service, we shake off the dust of our sandals, and go on without rancor or excessive effort to right any misapplications. We must not lose self in trying too hard to right misperceptions or wrongs against us. What is forgiveness for? The wrongdoer needs to find for self what is reality in the development of a life – so we pray and talk together. Jesus’ brothers found fault with him until later in their experience. Even then we have little record of their orientation or meaning to their lives. The implication is that all turned out well, after Jesus ascended. One of the lessons of Scripture is that if Jesus accepted something, we ought to find some resources in bearing burdens – like Christ, our model.
We ought to take sufficient time to examine ourselves so to be comforted, or alerted, to any duty we miss in our misunderstandings. Will effort to heal any fissure in a relationship widen it? Counselors have illustrations in which efforts to solve a problem simply added another problem to the one addressed. Human nature has so many dark corners that the wise person detects the likely cause for negative feeling so does not exacerbate the preexisting problem. The time may come for solution and reconciliation. In the meantime the person is prayerful, but does not dwell on the context of that situation. There are so many persons who need what we have to offer in grace, fellowship, concern, love, and service that we show poor judgment in expanding the problem areas of our lives. One solution to some problems is to leave them be – if there is no ill will, but readiness to restart relationships, love, peace, with anyone who can share the life solutions of Jesus Christ. The concern of the Christian is always to please God. Sometimes that means to accept the loss of a desired relationship. Relationship may return, or we find a way to some healing even if with distance – or it may not return. If healing is gained, the situation may be sweeter than it was before. Something has been learned in the interim to recovery. A shortcut to solutions is forgiveness.
After a long life of counseling with men and women, with families and groups, that yell at each other, that yield to accusations, that follow violating perceptions, that choose to invent offenses, and the like; I have closed sessions with straightforward statements about pride, ignorance of the human condition, and an inner barrier to the love of God and persons. These persons have not shown themselves helpful to their own concerns, and may interfere with available solutions until imperfect persons are mature enough, solemn in humility and love, open to variant perceptions for solutions. They will find what God wants to honor – the unity of relationships to useful purpose so to bless all for good and courage. Here are instances to try the wisdom, love, humility, perceptions that ought to characterize all persons, Christian or not. Repair of relationships, in any context, (marriage, friends, neighbors, employees) always begins with two factors: 1-the first person to recognize the issue; and, 2-that person finding genuine humility to address graciously the context. Humility, the seasoning of the menus of reconciliation is a factor of love and another short cut to human solutions. When understood it affects the words we use, the attitudes we take, the resistance to self-justification we determine, and the forceful impact of proposals. It can be outlined and acclaimed but difficult to activate. That is because of the pride of the race which, when the individual capitulates to it, tends to take over and prevent us from finding solutions in love and peace. We are blessed when we find forgiveness for others, and blessed when we are forgiven. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020