At one time or another virtually every person acts as a counselor. The most common tribes of counselors are called mothers and fathers. Their life suggestions vary widely usually formed from their own response to life experiences. Those experiences are often guided by informal education (daily living in relationships with others and nature), and formal education (provided in an institutional environment by hired personnel with special competencies). It is commonly believed that persons gaining broadest experiences and more thorough formal educations will offer the best responses to human questions for belief and conduct. It is a test we apply when we seek information and courses of conduct. Although a reasonable and important test related to competency, it may fail us in the search we are making. A counselor ought to become a friend.
It is my hunch that success and failure in the search rests more with the counselee than with the counselor. There are many factors related to this hunch: the emotional state of the counselee may not be healthy enough to consider the mindful treatment of issues; the attitude of the person may be negative to this counselor, even the system of counseling; the complexity of life may interfere with this person’s orderly treatment of problems; the orientation of the person may interfere, especially in a mixing like cultures, races, languages, families; and, the list lengthens. The variances and barriers are so great that I early establish my orientation with counselees so as not to lose either their time or mine in fruitless exchange.
It appears that they appreciate this matter of rapport as a preliminary to further discussions. Either they decide to cease their searches through me, or I conclude the contact when I note that they are not taking steps toward the discovery of answers and solutions. In understanding the objective reasons for concluding our relationship, they are likely to be awakened to what they need to do to gain insight for belief and solutions. These perceptions cause me not to offer opinion and counsel unless asked for it. Volunteered counsel may collide with counselee pride, and is processed as criticism to be rejected. Even when requested, counseling may violate some feeling in the counselee so fails of purpose.
For decades I have followed the changing styles and patterns in the counselors who prepare daily columns in printed and electronic media. Early in my adult life the print counselors were rather formal, often dealing with issues related to simple problems such as good manners, and daily life. With the popularity of the sister duet in Dear Abby, and Ann Landers the inquiring letters became more intimate, even racy, with humor sometimes dominant, and the counselors going to authoritative figures for some help in forming answers. Current writing is the best of the genre even though the writers may not have the celebrity status of their predecessors. Of the current writers, Carolyn Hax, and Amy seem to me to be affirmative persons of the new century secular approach and using general values. They commonly begin by counseling the inquiring writer on what needs to be perceived to gain a change in belief and conduct for the inquirer, and then address the problem introduced by the writer relating to others. These columns tend to an objectivity based on the feeling that it takes two to tangle. Objectivity to whole problems, needs more page space than that of predecessors to meet the challenges, and deal with matters straightforwardly. It would be helpful to analysts to know the effectiveness of this approach in comparison with the former. In the current electronic media, Dr. Phil and others have also well lifted the new counseling levels in communication. As noted on an earlier Page, Rollo May, an eminent professional counselor of a couple generations ago, acknowledged that counseling had not been highly successful, but that there is nothing to take its place. He blamed no one, but my own reviews suggest that the general public may find counseling to require more of them than they feel able to give. In personal matters there often appears medication or reference to professionals, to assist the individual through problems. We have a long way to go to conquer the needs of troubled persons. The Christian is greatly assisted in not only applying some standard solutions, but with Scripture, prayer, and persons who care, including official counselors, pointing to solutions. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020