Most human beings feel there is a mysterious power they own. They don’t know what it is, but it is there. It is somewhat analogous to the power that children feel belongs to them in the power of their parents. It is seen in modeling. If my mother liked it, did it, avoided it, and I knew through my own awareness and/or experience her modus operandi, then I liked it, did it, or avoided it. Her words and actions affected my thinking and conduct, until the years accumulated and I rebelled against some of that power with its pattern. The words were still strong and representative, but I was, like all my friends, seeking my own way – at first modestly and then enlarged into the common rebellion of youth, mild or openly conflicting, affecting our relationship, perhaps our love for each other. The pattern of resistance gains force from other influences like puberty, new friends, varied experiences, even the entrance of education or religious faith. Nearly all of these added influences of power were resident in persons using the invisible tools of interpersonal relationships to form thought and conduct – especially related to attitudes and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. For me at the highest point to the moment of that resistance to mother’s expectations and ideals, I surrendered my life to God, in the clear understanding that Jesus Christ would be my power model going forward. That decision offered a new attitude toward my mother, and that before too many matters got out of hand. The love was always there, but we learn that love isn’t enough. Love is never enough until it finds a way of caring for the loved. Care proves love, even though love and/or care can be faked. We have hypocrisy to ideals in any of the factors of life. We are well along when we learn, and accept the concept that God is largely concerned with the invisible motivations of our lives, and pleased with the thoughts and experiences that grow out of that power. We ought to seek to become genuine.
The consequence of all this is the experience of freedom that we are empowered to make our own decisions and form our own ways. If that feeling is not harnessed it can become a boomerang that returns to weaken, perhaps destroy us. Independence drives wedges between husbands and wives, between children and parents, between workers and bosses, even between teachers and students. Our best teachers were not the best to us on the basis of their subjects taught, but on the basis of our relationship to them as persons. There was a power exchange. I taught in one college where there was a professor that nearly every student wanted for at least one course, perhaps for only one. (A student counseling with me informed me that he wanted a course from that teacher even though he thought the grade might keep him from a straight ‘A’ record in the registrar’s office. This prof was a tough grader, believing that grade inflation made a travesty on higher education. His students suffered it in the spirit of the children following a pied piper.) He had a way with students and that known publicly, but was in constant tension with others of the college, little known except for the administration and faculty. Had this man found space for the counseling to some modifications, he would have achieved far more than he did. At last he tendered his resignation and finished out his life somewhere in the anonymity of western mountains, as did some of his children.
All this is to say that we have some of the rebel in us. We tend to resist unsolicited advice, and even when advice is requested we feel some tendency to protect ourselves from the views of others. We don’t want to feel controlled, even in minor matters. On several occasions I have suggested to parents that less use of pacifiers for their infant children might lead to better articulation in their speech later in life. The tongue tends to come forward to meet anything that enters the mouth, and when practiced excessively appears to contribute to lisping, and what is called in speech correction manuals as tongue thrusting. Poor habits for speech have increased in my observation over the years. The last time I suggested the concern, the dear lady put the pacifier in the child’s mouth immediately on receiving my suggestion. All this is to say that we need accepted counsel from others. We are wise to consider counsel from those we feel have mastered the business of life. From counsel considered, perhaps amended, wisdom grows. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020