In a study of men and women, and their relationships, David Buss, professor at the University of Michigan, discovered that in 37 cultures the results were the same for mate selection. Usually cultural anthropologists accent differences, but, in this study, there was uniformity between cultures – all of them. Men looked for women who were, in most instances, younger than themselves, and perceived to be attractive. The women carry an illusion of youth with wrinkle-free skin and good figures. Many women find this evaluation objectionable – that they are accepted on the basis of physical attractiveness. Women, Buss found, were attracted to men who were perceived to be mature and affluent. These men are admired because they have strength in both social problem-solving ability, and as good providers. This holds even in times when working women often surpass their husbands’ salaries. Women appear to appreciate the status that their husbands might provide as money-makers. Many men find this evaluation objectionable, that they are accepted on the basis of their ability to provide food, shelter, and amenities for the family. If this is common the genders are looking for different things, and each is somewhat offended at the other for the different emphases. But both want healthy children, would like some link with their parents in their own emerging families even when they resist the attitudes of parents/grandparents. Once the mate selection gets by these first hurdles or expectations, other factors kick in — such as intelligence, personality and intimacy. Often these factors grow in the courting period, but young men and women seem unaware of the larger influences that are at work in them. Romance and physical drives press early in upon them.
Anyone analyzing the stories of Scripture must be impressed that personal issues have always been similar to current ones. Adam appears to have been motivated, in part, by physical attraction in Eve — a principle of physical drive that he may have observed in the mating procedures among the Garden animals. The attraction of male/female illustrated in the stories that included Bathsheba, Delilah, Abishag, Esther, and others illustrate the point. And the identity of many women to male power and wealth also appears in Scripture. Even with the patriarchal system, appeals of the ancients were similar to current ones.
Once the physical, economic, and family power features have been treated, men and women may turn to the business of building foundations of character, relationship, faith, goals, duty and love above the physical appetites. On the broader foundation, that includes physical and security interests, a marriage and family may be formed successfully and permanently. This has been the theory pattern of the Bible, in the implication that all issues should be treated in timely manner. This is basic to the belief that intimacy is to be reserved until marriage – implying that betrothed persons may form their whole relationship without distractions in a learning continuity. Serious studies show that sexual dalliance and experimentation before marriage do not prepare couples for marriage. Divorce rates are higher for those who tried sexual intimacy before marriage than for those who abstained. There is something excellent in the character of a man and woman who can order life in the seasons God offers equally to all. The great error in society is in the general belief that because there is strong drive we are justified in falling to it. We are not well oriented in the management of human appetites that mastered make us the moral persons God means for us to be – and that offer us ultimate personal gratitude for strength of values and disciplined life. The tendency to justify nearly anything we want to do because there is so strong drive has distorted our values, changed the shape of the family, even used laws to violate the human character, and left us uncertain about our motives and sometimes solidarity for family in future life. The violation of order in the journey of our lives to maturity that includes order for life is changing basic context for life and family. At this writing the departure is so great that it is proposed that the marriage and family patterns of the centuries is now outmoded. The experiments of change are not showing benefit, especially as related to the formation of the lives of children. Change is to be evaluated in life generations. Wisdom gains life balance. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020