In his studies of parenting, David Walsh believed that he found the primary features forming the intellectual development of children. He presented the concepts in his book on Smart Parenting. He urged activity, focus and socializing. Having taught students, and having reared children, I respond well to Walsh’s emphases. The parent does not choose activities. Children make selections. They choose. Focusing attention does not mean the parent chooses the focus, but that there is a focus that may be joined by the parent. I am convinced that language felicity has much to do with this focus, and may be the focus. It is likely that the persons with the greatest grasp of language, and learning how to use language well, will reach greater intellectual boundaries than persons with lesser felicity. In the matter of socializing, the person who most senses the relationship with others and finds interchange, that person will develop more rapidly and with maturity, sensing that smarts may relate to interpersonal engagement. We need to find commitment for directed changes. We are not alone, and everything we do is related to others. There is a mystery here, but real nonetheless. All of this is summarized in the simple belief that parents ought to teach their children a developing sophistication. A parent is a teacher/mentor and the family home is the classroom from which the individual goes forth to larger discovery and wise functioning in a wide world.
One of the great verses in the Bible is Proverbs 20:5 – The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. This verse has been cited with remarks in other Pages in these Volumes. The concept has guided me in all the counseling of decades as a Christian minister to those who will hear me. The verse deserves redundancy in treatment, it is that important. The presupposition is that everyone has answers, perhaps somewhere beneath the limen of their own perceptions, what they need to believe, feel, or do. They may need help from a caring individual to find that direction, that answer, that epiphany. The understanding is that one develops with an empathetic counselor who believes in the best from the person before him or her; and, it takes a person seeking direction in humility and a sense of personal responsibility for the outcome. The counselor must be wise in the process, but the seeking person must also have a basic wisdom that takes on duty. The counselor lets down the bucket, and the Hebrew word is exactly that word used in the experience at a well. The water to be received must come from within the well which is to say from the person needing counsel. There is at least as much self-counsel in a counseling session that succeeds, as there is counseling from a parent, a friend, a pastor, or a specialized professional counselor. The nature of the bucket differs in cases, but the process is the same. Results vary, but the bucket can only bring forth what it receives – from way down deep in the person’s well.
The person counseled must work on elemental resources. These are related to a large number of creative influences including, among others: the genes with other biological factors (like age, race or gender); the parents’ nurture for love, discipline, and direction; the society culture up or down in daily life; the habits of the person that control conduct; the faith effectiveness for values and eventuality – the holistic context of the individual. Improve that context, and the solutions will come easier, the attitudes will improve, and life will be worth living – and living longer. This means that, ultimately, the person is responsible for the self, life and consequences. The process works, sometimes with the person alone in reality, and sometimes aided by insightful colleagues for life along the way. We are impressed by the enormous amount of money spent on counseling gurus, only to see the counselees apply the insights for a short time, and regress – sometimes to a more serious state of dysfunction than they experienced before the sessions. Counselors may suffer more over this matter than just about any other. The individual is responsible for self, and when help is needed should seek it. The largest issue remains: Will the counselee take it? When Betty Ford, wife of the President of the United States decided to take the repeated counsel of professionals relative to her alcoholism, and her family stayed close to help her through, the victory was won. Appreciating the family love she received, the wisdom of counselors, and the self-involvement that led her out of shadows she set up a hospital foundation that has served thousands to similar recovery. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020