We need to remember that the Bible, more than any other major work in literature, ranges in scope over all of personal and social life. We are so taken with perceived great needs, problems and distractions of society that we may miss the details of the single life, details that may mean something major to the effectiveness of that life for the self and for other persons in that life. For example, marriage and the family are important to the peace, love, health, and general context of our lives occupying many additional factors for effectiveness and happiness. Yet at this writing, a study receiving some popular circulation shows that nagging between a husband and wife is a major factor in breaking up marriages and families, or in neutralizing them. The nagging syndrome may be the major reason for child rebellion, and loss for youth to respect their parents and society. Counselors are aware of how the problem creates chasms of difference between parents and children. One can see on the face of the emerging adult in the child an attitude that changes appearances of the troubled, especially in the face of the child, sans happiness and love in expression. The matter becomes stark to the counseling pastor, who in pre-marriage meetings with the couple discovers they do not want a marriage like that of their parents. There is sadness in the moment.
How may we overcome some of these daily miseries that plague the individual life, a plague that ultimately becomes major in society – even if quiet? Scripture reminds us that the little foxes spoil the vines. The larger context of our lives is built on accumulations of the small factors. If they are fitting, the consequences prove them well. Our lives, purposes, respect for meaning and process, even of God, may be affected. One is tempted to say that these will surely be affected. One ought, by applying self and/or formal education in experience, to find ways to overcome the aggravations. They have a way of becoming what might be identified as petty sins, except that the consequences are often major for us, not insignificant. They include factors like nagging, habits, prejudice, disorder, selfishness, crudity – the list grows long.
Solutions are found in discovering how troublesome these factors can become, how to recognize them, how to face them, how to defuse them and even eradicate them. Perhaps one can develop a self-evaluation that forestalls them before they enter experience. One way is to anticipate, so prepare. Every couple ought to have an insightful pastor/counselor deal with the questions that must be answered in the intimacy of marriage and the family. If the right questions are seriously asked and answered, the future is brightened. I prepared a number of questions, was asked to put them in a book with remarks about them. I did so, and in the investigation of those who took them seriously there were happy reports of the meaning. One is far more committed to the application of some actions and principles before a contract than being held for response after the contract. Each couple should work through the questions with a respectful senior. At this writing my major questions (but not all) appear on Google on the internet. Pastors inform me that they have been useful to purpose in launching a couple for marriage, and for children in happy homes.
There are other factors to consider related to patience, forgiveness, humor, prayer, and the creativity one has lurking in his or her own person. It is interesting that most divorces occur from two good persons who have fallen to certain attitudes, practices and habits that become so aggravating that it is decided that divorce is the answer. Anger, stress, and the like enemies need mature treatment in a family. Neither do the offenses serve us in larger contexts. Once we decide to respect each other, are ready to help even in some petty practices we find, we may be sure that God will help and reward conduct he counsels. It appears from Scripture that devout persons could lose the currency of their solidarity by treating differences poorly. Isaac and Rebecca, loving deeply, began to lean toward the son that most fitted their own personal interests, so Isaac leaned toward Esau, and Rebecca toward Jacob. It cost decades of loss in mutuality, presence, comfort, family security, and the beauty of their own intimacy as a family. By the time the issues were rightly settled, and jealousies forgiven, the parents were gone, having missed some of the love and presence of their sons – and the sons, the parents. Follies of life rob us of fulfillment. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020