Little things become important, partly because of accumulation. A massive hay bale is made from small stems with small leaves. Many small things need to be cultivated so to assist larger matters, perhaps making bearable some unbearables in life. I have referred elsewhere to the story of my wife making much of any birthday in the family. I can recall her face when she would buy, or have me buy, something she knew someone wanted, especially for our children. It wasn’t casual. It was given value-added love and interest in the person or persons affected. She was good at it, so that all I had to do was follow her lead and instruction. Since her death, I realize how much time some of it took, and I have been delinquent or spotty in some of her rituals. Perhaps I will improve. It’s late in the story for me.
I remain disappointed that so many educators have decided that education should be occupied with training (honing some skill or procedure, etc.); with intellectual development (philosophy, natural laws, etc.) attached – but believe some wise mother and father only are to prepare children for life experience and embraced values. This last, life experience, is the most important of the options for time periods, and should offer considerable participation in education. (The news this past week has repeated that the quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings slipped over to Wisconsin and was married. The point was reiterated that this private matter will likely have an effect on his football performance – and it may.) Happy homes begin with the mature relationship of husband and wife in love and mutuality in life integration. Studies of marriages have mixed ratios and influence. Many have been related to unhappy and broken marriages. Many have been devoted to happy marriages, even while errors in emphases are being partially remedied. Happy marriages were found repeating three factors. It doesn’t require a great deal of education to understand them. It does require some preparation to fix the issues, and some patience in practice so to turn them into habits. The first is friendship; the second is problem-solving attitudes; and, the third is family and personal rituals. Often I have heard from happy married couples of any generation: My husband . . . my wife . . . is my best friend. They learn a mutuality that extends to embellish the positive, and to ignore or together meet, the negative. Friends do not yell at each other, or abuse physically. They are present to fill the desire for friend presence. Friendship has a sharing sense to it that lifts participants. We need to be reminded of the various hats worn by the Lord. He is a Friend, a Savior, a Shepherd, a Teacher – and the list grows. We have our places with persons, sometimes changing them in a single conversation, but with love contexts. Everything in our lives relates to life experience in acceptance.
Problem solving is a mark of maturity. It avoids blaming and shaming – fault finding and accusations. It requires acceptance, wisdom and equality. There is an understanding that a human problem is more manageable when two can think about it and propose some approach that is mutually satisfactory. Two lift the load even when one does the most work. There is always benefit, if mutuality and wisdom are at work. The price is right. There is shared experience. Everything is in everything we do – holistic life.
The third one is found in the accumulation of the tiny things. The special dinner for an occasion, the ritual of family for this or that, the sharing of a television program, the grace at meals and bedtime, the walk around the park on Saturday. My wife and I took a weekend together each spring to another city. We would sometimes play electronic solitaire (together) on the computer. A family ritual for us related to the family in church ministry. We made happiness for ourselves a deliberate purpose. We need to learn how to do it all. The wise person finds ritual, not only devotion with God, but with loved family and friends. The holistic person recognizes that what is important at the moment is a little thing to be considered in the total experience of life. My work is important when I am working, but it is made a little thing that must balance with family members. Work is important to me, but the balance is the little thing I must address so to balance life pieces. I must not forget that everything is in everything I do. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020