I was struck with the statement of Billy Graham, the eminent evangelist, on his arrival to his ninetieth birthday – that he had been taught how to live and die, but not how to grow old. I agreed intuitively with him on the statement, but gave time to the point and now write after having thought at length about the common oversight. I have long believed that persons are not usually troubled so much about death as they are about the decline in the physical body, perhaps also the mind, with the management of suffering, of isolation, of marginalizing life as factors more difficult to accept than death. Who would not prefer simply to pass away in sleep, not having given any thought to weakness of age? Rest homes are filled with residents who live with presence of death as a constant. That must be the largest negative in retirement centers. It may also be constant in a way that immunizes persons to accept the matter by psychologically diminishing any meaningful or troublesome preoccupation with the matter – in order to be comfortable.
After long years of relationships and involvements with elderly persons while also being largely occupied with collegians – I learned that we are, when we are old, much like we were when we were younger, only more so. It seems to me that I have always been a student, and I still am. I find myself saving items of information I will never use, hoping only that my family will find someone who will use them in life’s work with ideas and evidence. The labor of disposing of my books and filed materials is daunting. While everything in my office continues on a daily schedule, but without the coming and going of many persons, and the detail work no longer carried by loyal assistants, I am what I have always been – a student sharing what has been given, both formally and informally, in living a satisfying life. The near daily invitations to speak have disappeared, with other public participation. The sharper appearance of my person has given way to some osteoporosis; the pate is bald above drooping eyes; hearing is partially assisted with aids; my vision needs help; and, schedule/activity has been limited to accommodate medical factors. In short, I have grown old. For me, old is only related to the body. Everything inside, including my mind is as its lifetime best quality as I feel it. It is made better what with that preceding that formed my current life.
It is likely that the elderly have not been respected as once they were in families. One meets persons in rest homes who have never been visited by either their children or grandchildren. Youths refer less and less to grandparents. They may avoid being with elders. The media have focused on the youth styles and themes. The elders find life for themselves. There should be planning made when we are younger for when we will be older – which means we should be good managers able to pay our way when retired, and find an attitude that does not fault the young, or society for our situations. We can find, with planning that is natural, not depressing or lengthy, that prepares us for ourselves alone, with the inner comfort of God.
I am never alone, and that would be true even if I did not have some of my children, with their mates close by. When they are close they are less likely to be excused for some oversight than if they lived at a distance. Love prevails. Each one has a personal way of expressing it. There are many things going in a modern society so that persons are not driven together as they were in the simple life – before technology and urbanization reduced family relationships. We are not now as dependent on family, as once we were, as we are on business, institutions, and services of maintenance. The loss calls on government to do what family once did. We may not be able to afford it, buying what family gave freely. Devout elderly keep meaning when they maintain fellowship with God, best in prayer. This is the polishing period, when fulfillment becomes real. Whatever the quality of my life in younger years, current years are just fine. I have counseled many persons who do not agree that it is so for them. At least for some they did not invest themselves in family, in cultural factors that carried forward their lives with interests, fellowship, mentoring activity, offering hope to others, and in a devotional life that finds the full flower at the close of life – true for posies and persons. Each morning I awaken in prayer fellowship with God who has become a constant factor of awareness. This orientation is a part of praying without ceasing. Living in the home of one of my sons and his wife, my life couldn’t be better. It is related to family meaning. *Mark W. Lee, Sr. — 2016, 2020